I love the snow. Our family is thrilled by all of it: sledding, snowball fights, building snowmen, skiing—we appreciate a good winter Nor’easter and look forward to snow days, cocoa, and freezing cold noses. 

This year, however, I have been grateful that it’s been mild. I’ve missed the snow, to be sure, but I am one of those folks who actually has the means to get through the cold winter. We have a wood burning stove and full oil tank, and the resources to keep them going all winter long. There are too many people along the shoreline, however, who can’t afford the increased costs of energy in the winters. And this year, the basic needs organizations that usually help these families out have seen their funding for fuel assistance cut in half.

Here are the sobering facts:

• The Federal Government is set to cut funding to the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP), a federal energy assistance program, by half in 2012 from 2011, which translates to a total loss of $41 million for Connecticut. 
• Operation Fuel, a private nonprofit statewide organization, steps in to provide funds when LIHEAP fall short. Last year, before the federal cuts, Operation Fuel had to shut down its program in mid-February when it ran out of funds (after providing $1.7 million)—the first time ever in its 34-year history that funding ran dry.
• Town specific data:
• Branford: 2010-11 saw the number of applications for assistance increase from 450 to 550 from the previous year, with 241 approved (up from 203). Over a four-day period alone (January 10^th to the 13^th, 2012), Branford Counseling Center had 96 requests for assistance.
• Guilford: In 2010-11, Guilford Social Services took 372 household applications for the LIHEAP, a jump from 349 the previous year. From 1991 to 2008, the maximum number of household applications in a year was 220.
• Madison: Last year 422 Madison households received energy assistance. 

This is the bottom line: Federal and State budget cuts to fuel assistance in 2011-12 mean that our communities will receive half of the dollars received last year to help people who can’t pay for heat, which wasn’t enough funding to meet the need to begin with.

Recognizing the devastating impact this will have on our neighbors, the Community Foundations in Branford, Guilford and Madison are each spearheading fundraising efforts in their communities to address the shortfall. The goal of “Foundations Fuel Families” is to raise $100,000 in private funding from within our communities to meet the funding gap for fuel assistance for those in need. To that end, each of the Community Foundations has pledged a challenge grant of up to $10,000 that would match—dollar for dollar—every dollar raised in that town. All dollars raised in a town will stay in that town.

By all means, let’s enjoy the snow and the brisk New England winter, and let’s also remember our neighbors who can’t find the same enjoyment. Look for more information in the coming weeks from your Community Foundations in Branford, Madison and Guilford.

Stay warm!

My four-year-old daughter loves getting her nails painted, and since my two-year-old son wants do exactly what his big sister is doing, he too wants his toes painted. So, when I came home to purple polish on my son’s toes, I just smiled when I saw the baby sitter had been indulging my children with purple polish. The purple toes made my son happy, my husband uncomfortable and me…well, I saw it as harmless fun.

About a month later, it happened again. When my daughter asked for painted nails, her little brother stuck out his foot to be next. This time the chosen color was blue (a little more masculine?). Again, my son was happy. But this time my husband wasn’t just uncomfortable, he was irritated. A family discussion exploded around my son’s blue toes. My husband, believing that it is his job to make our son a man, feels that boys should not be wearing polished nails. Me? I’m hoping to raise our children with broad minds… minds that don’t define them by the color of their nails or how they choose to adorn themselves. I believe how they feel is more important than how they look.

A few days after the painted toenails discussion, a fury in the news media caught my attention. In a J.Crew ad, the president of J.Crew is smiling as she shares a sweet moment with her son. If you look closely you will notice that she is holding his foot, neatly adorned with pink polish. There is a caption that reads, “Lucky for me, I ended up with a boy whose favorite color is pink. Toenail painting is way more fun in neon.” While I felt some validation for my line of thinking, the conservative pundits went nuts on this calling the ad, “Blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children.” Other comments strewn around suggested that this child would have gender issues and that his mom was making his life difficult by confusing his sexual orientation. I decided not to share this news story with my husband. Instead, I watched the news play out with some amusement, but more with sadness for the small mindedness around this issue and the ridiculous gender roles we place on our children. The fact that pink nail polish on a boy gets national media coverage is more alarming to me then the actual act of a boy wearing pink polished nails.

The fact is, no one really knows the cause of transgender or sexual orientation in children. Painting a boy’s toenails or giving girls trucks for toys will not confuse their gender identity or sexual orientation. Gender identity goes deeper than that. Gender identity is our internal, innate sense of being male or female. Usually, our gender awareness matches our physical body, regardless of what toys we play with, or how we dress. “Nothing that a parent or anyone else does can change a child’s gender identity. Science is showing that transgender children are most likely born that way, right from the start.” (Brill & Ryan PhD.)

Furthermore, I wonder why we assign toys and colors to our children based on their gender. Why do we let our society conform our children’s thinking instead of allowing our children to express and explore and figure out for themselves what they like and don’t like.

In my home, here is the reality. My son has an older sister he adores and imitates. He plays with dolls, gets dressed up in tutus, and occasionally gets a pedicure. But, he also loves tools, trucks and ‘fixing things.’ Sure, he may be pushing around baby doll strollers, but he is also checking the axle on the wheel to see how it spins (something that has never occurred to my daughter). I don’t worry that having an older sister with all her girly influence will confuse his gender identity. I think it’s healthy that he pretends to feed his baby doll along with fixing his trucks and playing ball. I hope my son and my daughter grow to be well balanced, well adjusted people who are comfortable with themselves no matter what color they choose to paint their toes, or even if they choose to paint them at all.

At this time of year, we tend to be more at home because of winter, and it’s a good time to enjoy the pleasures of preparing delicious dishes or meals. I’ve compiled these little tips that I’ve learned over the years. They help make the food-preparing process so much easier. I would love to hear your own personal tips.

• Read the entire recipe through before you begin.
• Assemble all the ingredients and utensils on the counter before you begin.
• Clean up as you go along – it’s SO MUCH EASIER!
• The microwave is your friend.  Use it to cook bacon, melt butter and chocolate, cook vegetables, defrost foods.
• Label and date foods you freeze.
• Don’t stock up on canned goods.  Buy as you need, otherwise they just accumulate in your pantry and you discover them years later.  They DO go bad in time.
• Store coffee and bread in freezer to keep fresh. Bread and baked goods thaw quickly in microwave in 30 seconds. Coffee needs no thawing.
• Poach eggs in microwave in individual cups: 30 second/egg.  Much easier than on cooktop or in poacher.
• Don’t waste money on an electric can opener.
• Ditto regarding fancy wine bottle openers.  The old-fashioned kind works easily and well.
• Learn to make your own salad dressings.  It’s very easy and they’re fresher and healthier.
• Ditto for sauces like barbecue, hollandaise, béarnaise, etc.
• When making tomato sauces, add a touch of sugar.
• Keep a running list of grocery items conveniently located that you can add to as you think of them and as needed.
• As much fun as it is to eat out, besides being expensive, it will make you fat; it will not save you time, and it is not as healthy as purchasing your own ingredients and cooking your own meals.  When you do that, you know what the ingredients are and you can control portions.

The key to cooking and eating healthy and well at home is called PLANNING IN ADVANCE.

Bon Appetit!

Last night, on the Dick Clark New Year’s Eve show, Ryan Seacrest, Jenny McCarthy, and Fergie all took turns bringing us good cheer for 2012. They also took turns interviewing cheering fans about their resolutions for the new year.

 We heard some classic resolutions:
 - be healthier
 - lose more weight
 - save more money
 - study harder

And some less conventional ones:
 - recycle more
 - eat more bananas
 - wear more colorful clothes (seriously?!?)

All of these, whether common or a little different, are all actually bad resolutions.  Yes, I said it. Even the “good” ones – like be healthier- are bad.  Why are they bad? Because they will, almost without doubt, be what so many resolutions come to be:  broken.

 A recent study by British psychologist Richard Wiseman published in the WSJ showed that out of 3,000 individuals, 88% of people consistently failed to keep their resolutions. That number has been confirmed over and over again, with research by Proactive Change noting that 25% of people beak their resolutions within just one week of making them and 46% breaking them after just one month and almost 70% breaking them in just a matter of months.

As a fairly new parent, I have a whole new outlook on resolutions.  What am I modeling for my daughter if she sees me make promises to myself that I don’t or can’t keep?  What message am I sending to her?

With that in mind, this year, I’m taking a page out of my corporate background and looking at resolutions instead of as overwhelmingly lofty challenges but rather as simple goals.  Plain old goals.

 As an organizational behavior consultant with a focus in leadership, I spent countless hours teaching professionals and executives how to set good goals.  I taught the SMART model of goal setting:
 S – specific
 M – measurable
 A – attainable
 R – realistic
 T – time framed

 The reason all those resolutions are bad is because there is no way of knowing if they’ve been accomplished. Take the ‘be healthier’ resolution. What does healthier look like? More exercise? Eating less processed food?

 If we were to take this resolution and apply the SMART model to it, instead of just being healthier, we might have this evolution:
 - be healthier
 - exercise 3 times a week
 - exercise 3 times a week for 30 minutes each time
 - exercise 3 times a week for 30 minutes each time for the next 8 weeks

Research has shown over and over again that the more specific the goal, the higher the likelihood of achieving it because the actions you need to take to realize success are clear and spelled out.

Everyday as a parents, we have an opportunity to teach our children.  And everyday, we do teach our children, whether overtly or unintentionally.

Though my sweet daughter is just a year old, I want her (like most parents do) to grow up believing she can accomplish anything she sets her mind. So, this year, instead of making lofty resolutions that I am almost certainly going to break, I’m making a short list of goals.  And I’m going to do my best to make them SMART.

As we all know, the Internet provides many spaces in which we can connect, share, and draw inspiration from others.  Admittedly, I’m not much of a blog follower, online shopper, or website browser.  However, the desperation to find something interesting to procrastinate with during finals week forced me to change up my e-mail checking, job searching, news reading routine.  A fellow library camper introduced me to Pinterest.com, “an online pinboard” of photographs of just about everything (appropriate) in life, posted by people from around the world.  Photos are categorized under thirty-two main subjects, which range from Architecture to DIY & Crafts, Geek to Travel & Places and beyond. I love that you don’t have to log in to browse, but you can choose to sign up and “start pinning” your own photos if you wish.  Unlike a blog that you may have to check regularly to fully enjoy, Pinterest is something you can enjoy daily, monthly, yearly, or even just once.  Some photos provide sheer aesthetic appeal- it can be fun and relaxing to view images of, say, sunsets and snowfalls.  However, Pinterest can be used for a purpose other than merely seeing pretty things.  Rather, the site is a great resource for craft or home décor ideas, hairstyle inspirations, and creative food displays.  While the site has enough content to entertain for hours, I think it’s perfect for a quick distraction- a lunch break, a quiet moment, or, in my case, a brief time-out from schoolwork. 

While I hesitate to read too much into a seemingly simple joy, I will offer this: Pinterest reminds me of when I was eight or nine, and I’d receive a package in the mail, a “chain letter,” from someone I didn’t know (not the threatening kind we now receive by e-mail). The package would include a collection of what others had shared before me (usually a stamp or postcard), and a letter requesting I add my own contribution and send the package on (who remembers how those things worked?).  It was a change to my daily routine. It was thrilling.  I didn’t know the others involved, and it made me feel like I was part of a worldwide show and tell.  In this vein, I think Pinterest speaks to our desire to know of others’ lives and to share our own, without the invasive qualities of gossip columns or even social networking sites.  It’s no secret that “the norm” is increasingly one that encourages us to share every bit of information about our lives at all times, and also to be up-to-date on the details of others’ lives.  For better or worse, such are the times.  Pinterest is a guilty pleasure in that it works against that norm.  Pinterest does not give you access to all aspects of a person’s life, nor does it allow you to share all of yours.  Instead, photos provide a small sliver, a random glimpse of one aspect of someone’s life or interests. Refreshing, relaxing, and certainly pinteresting, Pinterest.com is a treat! Enjoy!

Those of us that celebrate Christmas have less than a week left to use the “Santa is watching” excuse on our children. I sure have enjoyed having that little elf hanging around my house and reporting back to the North Pole every night after my kids have gone to sleep.  You would not believe how polite and neat and helpful the three of them have been.

Then on December 26^th, what do we do?

We can’t go hide until next year.  I am in no the way an expert on anything, but I do have a couple of things that have been working well for me.  Most good mommies already know all of this, but I’m going to put it on this post in one place.

1)      Time out-with a timer that they watch me set.  I have them sit on their beds for time out and it doesn’t start until they are quiet.  The older two have figured out that the sooner they do it the sooner it is over.

2)      Less is more. We have four rules and they are posted in the kitchen: Use nice words, follow directions from adults, hands to yourself, and inside voice.

3)      Under the rules are “ribbon charts” for all three children-if you catch a child being good you move it forward, if they are breaking a rule you move it back.  Each chart matches the child: High School Musical for the eight year old girl, Ben ten for the six year old boy, and Thomas the Tank Engine for the three year old. When they get to the end I let them choose a computer game and let them play for fifteen minutes. 

4)      We have a set routine every day.  They do their homework, we have dinner, we do our bedtime routines, and this keeps all of us out of mischief…

5)      My boys attend a Montessori Center and we bought a silk Peace Rose for our house.  They taught their older sister how to use it. I really had to keep from busting out laughing when the three-year-old took it to his older brother and said, “Keep your boogers to yourself!!!”  Lovely male bonding at its best.

6)      Now is always a good time to pull out the Berenstein Bears-they have books on Manners, Fighting, Strangers, Messy Rooms, “Gimmes,”  I love Brother and Sister Bear.

7)      You can always dangle another carrot, but make sure whatever the carrot is will or will not appear accordingly. If you say, clean your room or we won’t go to the green, if that room isn’t clean, don’t go…I usually don’t do this because I need to get outside as well.

8)      You will lose it and forget everything I just wrote and that is ok, you can always calm down and start again.  Try not to get hooked into a power struggle with a child more than twice a week….

This last piece is pure genius and it didn’t come from me, it came from a letter from my child’s principal. I almost tossed it in recycling accidently.  Children are told over and over again to use “Their words.”  What does this mean to a child exactly?  I have taught at four public elementary schools and one private preschool and nothing came home like this letter.  At my son’s school, the students are taught to tell other children: “I want you to stop, if you do not stop, I will go get help.”  My three and I brainstormed that help could be Mommy, Daddy, a Teacher, a Parent, their Priest or dance teacher….they get it .  We are four days into this strategy and I can now empty the dishwasher without hearing ridiculous screams from another room.

I am going to be very sad when my Elf on the shelf goes home next Sunday.  It’s good to know that I have back up plans in place.

Hanukkah starts in one week and Christmas in two. I can’t even begin to get my head around that. (Since we celebrate both of these holidays in my house, I better get going.) I’m supposed to be writing about December holidays and annual charitable giving. However, I am still stuck at Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for and that one hectic day didn’t get it all out and I’m still feeling the thankful glow.

I think it would be great to have a month warm up to Thanksgiving, like we do for Christmas, so we can all get ready to be incredibly thankful.  However, it wouldn’t be shopping on our to do lists, but putting aside our worries, fears, annoyances and the other things that get in the way of feeling truly thankful. 

It is so easy to let those life struggles take center stage as I have experienced all too many times over the last seven months as I settle into my new role at Women and Family Life and utterly fail at any work life balance. But, I’m lucky. I have a wonderful family that gave me space and support to find my groove. Thankful for that for sure!

I’m also incredibly lucky to walk into that little house on Fair Street everyday (the Women & Family Life offices). Its what makes me so very grateful and keeps me stuck at Thanksgiving instead of moving onto the December holidays. 

I love the house; it has such a comforting vibe. Arriving at work is like coming home, or even better, going to Grandma’s house. And I get to work with an incredibly talented, dedicated and hard working group of women (and some men too)– staff and volunteers – all focused on an incredible mission. 

Something magical happens in that house each week and peoples lives are transformed.  I’m grateful to be a part of it. Each person has a unique story that brings them to us, however, a few stand out and make me ever so thankful to be doing the work that I do.

Last May, a few weeks into my job an energetic, delightful woman stopped in to drop off some paperwork for one of our staff and asked to use the bathroom. When she came out she enthused about how nice the bathroom was and thanked me warmly, saying “you have one of the nicest bathrooms in town.” Something about that caught my attention so I asked her how she came to that conclusion. Turns out, she was homeless. In the midst of those awful spring storms and flooding, she had moved into a tent in Hammonasset, having lost both her business and house to the economy. She had found a part-time job but could not afford a security deposit on an apartment and was applying for housing assistance.  I am so thankful we could help her.

A few weeks ago, while struggling to write a grant to fund our domestic violence support programs in 2012, the phone rang. When I answered, I heard only sobs. After making sure the caller was safe, I told her to take her time, I’ll be there when she is ready to talk. In time, she began to tell me her story of being abused. She was ashamed, scared, and felt alone. She didn’t have any idea what to do or where to go and had heard of us so called. The eerie timing of that phone call helped me overcome my writer’s block. We did not get the grant, but thankfully, we had the counseling and support programs in place to help that woman start a new path in her life.

Recently, I have been ever so thankful for the incredible volunteers who help us so generously with their time. I think they are angels in disguise. Some have been with Women and Family Life for all 20 years! They are the backbone of our administrative and event crews, making themselves indispensible, doing whatever we need to get the work done. One called up right after a particularly long staff meeting when we were a bit dazed with our to-do lists, to tell us that she was unemployed and would it be OK if she volunteered with us a few days a week to keep her professional skills sharp. And, one of our newest angels has reorganized and redecorated the whole house, including lovely pine centerpieces on the mantels in our support group rooms and two lovely arrangements right outside the door. These two are angels for sure. It makes me feel like I am in Bedford Falls and I’m waiting for Jimmy Stewart and his angel Clarence to show up.

Wait, that’s a Christmas tale isn’t it? I guess I do have some of that December holiday spirit in there trying to get out. Time to get out the Chanukah and Christmas decorations, shopping, and baking and get in the spirit! And here’s the charity plug – when you are making your lists and checking them twice, don’t forget to include returning those annual appeal envelopes to all your favorite charities. Those checks are the lifeblood of most nonprofits as the annual appeals are what fund them for much of the rest of the year.

This is your chance to be an angel and to keep the thankful glow going all year round. I can tell you from personal experience, from more than 20 years working in nonprofits, that each one of those checks are celebrated and greeted with much gratitude. If you already sent in a check to your favorite nonprofit, thank you from bottom of our hearts. If you are meaning to get to it, don’t wait. If you have never donated, make this the year you join the ranks of the annual appeal angels. Our local nonprofits and our neighbors that they serve need you more than ever.

And of course, Happy Thanksgiving!!  No, wait, I am determined to move on….Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Blissful Solstice, Cheery Kwanza, Joyful Dewali, a belated Happy Eid Al-Fitr, and Peace & Health in the New Year!

I’ve rediscovered an old craft I had learned as a teen-ager: knitting. I had abandoned knitting after my second child was born, actually during her birth. I had to stop knitting in the middle of a row when I was in labor with her. I completed the shawl a few years afterwards and never knitted another stitch until recently. That would make the hiatus about 35 years.

What drew me back? It was moving to Madison and hoping to make some new friends.  I entered a local knitting shop in hopes of taking a class after all those years, but really to meet new people, as well as relearning to knit.

The shop owner didn’t have classes there, but she suggested I join a knitting group that met locally once a week. She said they were a wonderful group of like-minded women and that I would love them.

To get me started knitting again, she advised me to knit a simple scarf in a seed stitch pattern, just to get the juices going, so to speak.

I joined the group of about ten women, all around my age, and from either Madison or Guilford. Two of the women teach knitting classes themselves, but this group is just a free-knitting encounter.  We make whatever we want individually, and help and advise anyone who asks for it. It’s amazing how productive and therapeutic the whole experience is!

Since I’ve joined the group last winter (it started about 2 years ago) I’ve completed two scarves, including the original, a sweater, and five hats, four of which I’ve felted. Felting has been, for me, a new technique which produces a product that doesn’t even look knitted; it looks like fabric. It’s easy to do and the results are beautiful.

I’ve also ripped out two potential sweaters that would have ended up too large.  That’s because my gauge was incorrect.  I never would have ripped out knitting in the past.  But now, with other knitters scrutinizing each others’ work, we can’t get away with “fudging.” On the plus side, having other knitters around you gives you support. There’s nothing like the phrase “We’ve all done it”, i.e. made mistakes, to mitigate your feeling like an idiot when you have to rip out what you’ve knitted.

Knitting today is different from when I first started knitting those many years ago. Oh, the stitches are the same. Knit and purl, and their variations. Yarn in front; yarn in back; yarn over: there’s lots you can do with some yarn and a couple of wooden sticks. But now, the attitude is different. There’s more experimentation and more of a laissez-faire attitude.  It’s like, whatever works for you…

The other component new for me is the variety of yarns. There are the traditional yarns: the worsteds, the mohairs, the angoras, and the like. But now there are specialty yarns woven with metallic fibers, or with beads incorporated into the fibers, or yarns with esoteric clumping or feathering. Like the new designer vegetables – graffiti eggplant comes to mind – yarns have become eye-catching and exciting in their own right.

My most recently completed scarf is an example of this trend. It’s not the scarf that’s exciting; it’s the yarn. A hand-dyed mohair of a mixture of colors: blues, greens, turquoise, aqua, purple and black, all in one strand of wool.  The effect reminds me of Monet’s water lilies. So soft, light and fluffy, knitting with that wool was a sensual experience.

When I first joined the knitting group, I knit only at the meetings, rarely at home on my own. But now, rarely a day goes by that I don’t do some knitting. I’ll do a few rows with my morning coffee.  I bring it with me when I travel. It’s become a habit and an activity that I enjoy. I’m no longer driven by the end result, but by the act of knitting for its own sake.

Why knitting? Well, it’s creative, sensual and therapeutic, as I have mentioned. It’s also healthier to knit when watching tv than to munch on popcorn or chips. You don’t knit to save money. The cost of the yarn alone often exceeds the cost of a ready-made garment. If you were to factor in labor, even at the minimum wage… well, don’t even go there!

But the experience of producing something yourself, with material of your own choice, the act of the craft, as it were, supercedes any buying experience, in my mind.

And yes, I have made new friends from the group.

The tree is up and the Elf on the Shelf has come to visit. Our schedules are filled for the month of December with the tree lighting and church events and special visits with family in North Carolina. Bring on Christmas and the other December holidays. 

But wait-it’s still November.

Thanksgiving was Thursday and it was one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had.  Can you guess why?  Did everyone in the family agree on the upcoming elections?  Did no one bring up a fight that happened twenty-five years ago?  Did everyone eat everything on their plates and say thank you it was absolutely delicious?  Did everyone drive home saying, “Man, we have the most normal, functional family in the whole wide world? Can’t wait to see them again next year!  God bless us everyone?”

Heck no…

This year we celebrated Thanksgiving with family FRIENDS- a married couple I went to high school with.

Before Facebook, they were the only two people I went to high school with that I spoke to on a regular basis.  Unless I randomly ran into someone at the grocery store when I went home to see my mom, these two were my only link to the excitement of being a teenager in the south in the 90s. We were in each other’s weddings. Our sons are eight weeks apart. This past summer I turned to her and said, “Why don’t you guys come to me for Thanksgiving?” She said, “We could use a road trip.” 

Done deal.

Instead of eating frozen television dinners while we watched Ben 10 fight aliens, we had a Thanksgiving dinner with five children running around acting silly with parents happy to watch it.

What to do on the Shoreline during a holiday with Southerners that just drove eleven hours to see you?

1)      Gozzi’s Turkey farm.  Guilford, CT is on the map for Technicolor turkeys.  Anyone from out of town won’t believe you until they drive up and see it for themselves.  The five year old called his grandmother in North Carolina and she told him, “No honey, there is no such thing as a lime green turkey…”

2)      The Madison 5 mile Turkey Trot.  That was my first time at an event on a holiday. It was a wonderful way to literally show off our “Shoreline.” Not to mention you can eat whatever you want after running a race.

3)      Order as much of it already made as you can-I went to Forte’s. Yes, I ordered a cooked turkey and I don’t regret it. This was not the year for traditional meal sides. This was the year for applesauce, broccoli, and ice cream sundaes. Five children ate everything on their plates.

4)      In high school, she and I would bake cookies and watch subtitled French movies our boyfriends couldn’t stand.  This year it was brownies and sugar cookies with children, then The King’s Speech to guess how many Harry Potter actors were starring and what happened to King Edward the VIII after he abdicated.  Was he happy with his American Divorcee?  Did he use “I gave up the throne for you?” over and over again to not have to take out the trash? 

5)      She could not leave CT without meeting Maria and Diana, my closest friends up here. Nothing like friends laughing about what you did then versus what you do now.  Surprisingly it is very similar.

The importance of maintaining good friends is one of my blogging missions. While family is always there and blood is very thick, NEVER, ever ignore the importance of friendship.  Spend a holiday with family friends when you can.

 I was worried my mom would be mad at me for doing this, until I Skyped with her and she was laughing on her couch with two of her professor buddies I have nicknamed the “Cubana and the Nicaraguensa.”

Always put friends on your ‘Thankful for’ list…..

Here I sit, in a cubicle in my college’s library.  I’m fairly pleased with the cubby I managed to snag—I’m next to a big window that somehow lets in crisp, bright light despite the dreary, sunless day outside. I’ve just made my to-do list for the rest of the week, down to the hour, which ends with me boarding a train bound for Old Saybrook, Connecticut.  A few days, but many obligations, separate me from Thanksgiving break.  Thesis writing, a Spanish paper, two job applications, finishing The Handmaid’s Tale, facilitating my last session with First-Years about sexual violence- today is one of those go-go-go days.

My phone buzzes, alerting me about new emails, text messages, Tweets, and more.  Checking my phone has become an act as natural and regular as blinking, as breathing.  This time, I notice the date, and realize that eight years ago today was my Bat Mitzvah.  I both can’t conceive of the fact that nearly a decade has passed since that day, and am a bit awed and saddened by how little I can relate to the person I was then, how little I remember of the girl whose womanhood was celebrated at Temple Beth Tikvah on November 15, 2003.

Who was she?  What was important? What was on her to-do list?

I feel like one of those old cartoons, with calendar pages ripping off and flying into the wind as I think back to my life eight years ago. In 2003, I was certainly not Tweeting, blogging, or checking my e-mail from my phone (did I even have an e-mail address?).  Actually, I had just been given my first cell phone for my thirteenth birthday, a sleek flip phone with a black and white digital display screen.  Unlimited texting plans were not yet relevant- I used the phone mainly to call my parents for a ride home, and, of course, to play Brick Breaker and Snake.  I didn’t change my Profile Picture, I changed myAIM screen name, because there were no Facebook Friends, only a Buddy List.  Thirteen-year-old Ana did not have fifteen books about transnationalism and feminist theory strewn beside her, the contents tempting, teasing, taunting her with their completeness, her own work halted by an extended case of writer’s block.  Thirteen-year-old Ana didn’t have to clean her apartment, build her résumé, interview for jobs, grocery shop, research, meet with professors, or maintain relationships with loved ones in multiple states and time zones.

In this first moment of reflection, my tendency is to feel nostalgia for that time in 2003, and a bit of jealousy toward the girl who I once was. When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, it is easy to think back to childhood and teenage days and pine, “life was so much simpler then.”  And yet, such nostalgia is really only the product of a rose-colored glasses effect when looking at the past.  If I truly think about it, if I allow myself to remember, life at thirteen was not so carefree.  For one, on this day eight years ago, I was becoming a woman in the eyes of my religious community.  Talk about pressure!  As much as I may feel stress and trepidation about the future now, life at thirteen was no less volatile.  Not only was my social role within my family and religious community changing, but also my friendships, my self-perception, and my academic responsibilities.  Though worries such as studying for an eighth grade math test, wearing the right clothes in order to fit in, trying to extend my curfew, and creating my Bat Mitzvah guest list may seem trivial to me now, they were still very real stress factors in my life at the time.  Life was far from uncomplicated at thirteen. 

And yet, without doubt, my responsibilities have intensified now that I am a senior in college. So too, though, have my freedoms. I no longer must ask my parents’ permission, but I do ask their opinion.  The expectations of my classes are great, but I have chosen these subjects, I am learning on my own terms. While traces of adolescent insecurity remain, I do not wake up each morning concerned about friendship cliques or whether my hair is straight enough.  Instead, I awake with a self-awareness completely different than that of my thirteen-year old self—one of confidence, of curiosity, and of appreciation for the diverseness and richness of life.

When I leave this cubby, the moon, not bright light, will be shining through the window.  I will be tired and probably will have accomplished less than I had intended.  I’ll have to revise my to-do list, adding a few things to tomorrow’s tasks.  Will I get it all done?  Sometimes it seems impossible, but so did learning my Torah portion, my Haftorah, and the rest of the Saturday morning service.  I rose to the occasion eight years ago, and I will continue to do so.  In the mean time, a new item of business has been bumped to the top of my to-do list: I must work on remembering to wear those rose-colored glasses not for envying my past, but for enjoying my present, and anticipating my future.